Do Not Do THIS To Strengthen Your Relationship

There are many things not to do in your relationship. This one is subtle, and happens so easily and so often, you may think it is natural. But it is not, you need to stop doing it, all it does is mess things up and make you not feel good, which is not good for both of you.

Here is the thing not to do:

Don’t take on your partner’s emotions!

If they are mad or sad or depressed or afraid, do not join them! We each have emotions and it is for each of us to deal with our own difficult emotions. If you mate feels angry, let them feel angry. Do not think it is meant for you or that you need to be mad as well. If they are angry and start to take it out on you, ask them to stop. “I know you are angry about work, but don’t take it out on me!” This can be a good thing to say at times, to remind your mate they can have their emotions, but can’t take them out on you.

You have your own emotional journey in life. So does your mate. Share your joys and happiness. But do not share their difficult emotions. If they are sad, you don’t need to take that on. You don’t need to feel sad for your relationship or wonder why they aren’t happy with you. It’s THEIR sadness, you don’t have to defend against it or feel sad yourself. It will pass!

Don’t take their emotions personally!

We can take the challenging emotions of our mate personally, and think they are mad because of me, or sad because of me, or depressed because of me, or stressed because of me. Most of the time, even if they blame you, that is not true. So acknowledge your mate for their emotions. You might say “I see you are angry about work.” Or “It seems you are sad about your friend.” That is healthy. But don’t get defensive or start feeling angry or sad yourself!

This way you can support them in their journey without damaging the relationship. They can be vulnerable with you and feel understood. You don’t have to solve their emotions, they will pass. But it doesn’t do your relationship or marriage any good to wallow in shared negative feelings!

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